Archive for August, 2008

Atomic Cat (meow-ow-ow-yippie-yo-yippie yeah)

August 9, 2008

     Waffles was not an ordinary cat. He was a cat with superpowers. You might think that would be a good thing, but then you have to remember that this was A CAT WITH SUPERPOWERS! Waffles wandered into a secret government laboratory where the resident mad scientist bombarded the cat with gamma rays and then, on his own, Waffles swallowed an isotope or two. The feds had hoped to use the cat in the ‘war on terror’, but the way Waffles just sat there and stared at them creeped them out too much. The cat was returned to it’s owner, who was none too thrilled to now have a kitty that could tear a house from it’s foundation and hurl it into the sun (which is what exactly happened to the local cat hater down the block). Fortunately, since he was a cat, Waffles slept 23 hours a day and the rest of the time ate, but still he found time for ‘mischief’. This supercat reduced the state’s oldest Sequoia tree to kindling when he used it as a makeshift scratching post. Waffles used his heat vision to incinerate every single dog on Earth. Yep, you could see that one coming a mile off. In his leisure time, Waffles accumulated the largest stash of catnip known to man (or cat). An effort was made to enlist Waffles as a sort of superhero, but the results left a lot to be desired—Little Tommy has fallen down the old well and needs your help! Waffles took a nap. There were some ungenerous souls that believed that he may have thrown Tommy down there in the first place. A madman has planted a bomb on a crowded bus and it will be triggered if the vehicle’s speed drops below 60 miles per hour, can you help? Waffles spent the rest of the day grooming himself. A hungry circus lion (it ate three and a half clowns) broke out of it’s cage and is on the loose! Waffles polished off the other half a clown (cats really hate clowns). Yes, clearly not superhero material (would make a great evil villain, though). Faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than a locomotive. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s—not Waffles, because he’s most likely at home taking a catnap. His owner just hopes Waffles was still not mad about getting ‘fixed’ last year.

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