Archive for August, 2009

Love’s Dangerous

August 1, 2009

     Do you love me? No. Not even a little bit? No. You came all this way for nothing then? All part of my mission. Nothing more. To come all this way to my secret fortress on an uncharted island just to see me. How sweet. Don’t forget the army of killer robots that greeted me upon arrival. I had to do something special for your visit. Very thoughtful. Why am I chained to this table? Just making you comfortable, darling. What about the laser beam that’s slowly burning it’s way towards me? You’ve been so reluctant to express your true feelings, I thought a little gentle prodding was in order. True feelings? Last year in Cairo, I had you in my sights. What does that tell you? You couldn’t pull the trigger, you must love me. My gun jammed, nothing more. Sure, sure. As I remember, you then gave me a dozen white orchids, my favorite, and then we danced the night away at the bazaar. It was very romantic. Just lulling you into a false sense of security. Anyway, what about all that time you’ve been spending with your ‘assistants’, Maximilian and Bobo or whatever their names are? They’re just a little diversion, it gets lonely on this island. Jealous? No. Just concerned, aren’t they a little young? Well, mister superspy, what about Natasha, Svetlana and Olga? They were assassins and nuclear spies, I had to get those plans back anyway I could. So you had to make love to all three of them? I couldn’t help it, they always worked as a team on everything. I still get a Christmas card from them every year. Sweet girls. I have only one, er, um, well you know, to give for my country. Yes, I remember your ‘patriotic spirit’ quite well. And still you say you don’t love me? I faked every orgasm. It sure is taking that laser a long time, isn’t it? Tell me the truth and I’ll spare your life. Do you love me? No. You’re a supervillainess and I’m here to thwart your evil plan. It’s that simple. I can’t do it! I’m shutting down the laser, I love you. I love you too. How did you get free? I had the keys all the time, I was never in danger. But why? It’s hard to find an excuse to spend time with you, the department frowns on fraternization with the enemy, you know. So, about the only times we can meet are when you do something like stealing a nuclear warhead or kidnapping the President’s daughter. I always knew you were a little bit of a romantic. When can we meet again, darling? Your birthday is next week… You remembered! Yes and I know you are planning something special in honor of it. I was going to threaten to destroy the world’s wheat crop by release of a deadly genetically engineered spore, then demand the United Nations pay a trillion dollars in blackmail. Well,  instead of that, let me take you to that little bistro in Paris you like. The one on the rue Vertbois! How sweet! Yes, be ready at seven and I’ll pick you up in my car that transforms into a supersonic jet. We’ll be there in less than thirty minutes. Can we dance the night away again? Of course, and I’ll remember the white orchids too. You do love me! No. I’ll have to bring the manacles then. You are such an evil girl, darling.